How to meet a Dominatrix on the internet?

Femme dominatrice soumis

This is one of the questions most addressed by submitters, often in search of that rare pearl ready to submit them. Following the article " How to contact a Dominatrix online ", I received a lot of requests to complete the subject, so that's it.

Lots of submissives, few Dominatrixes

Dominatrix with yellow roses

First of all, it is important to distinguish between the different people presenting themselves as Dominatrixes, which you can find on the internet.

In descending order of what you can find:

  1. Pure scams: the most common, they are not Dominatrixes, they are not even women most of the time.
  2. Money misses: they are women, but more focused on fetishism, their interest being monetary.
  3. Professional Dominatrixes: these are real Dominatrixes, who have made it their profession. Their interest is focused on finding customers on their professional account.
  4. “Lifestyle” Dominatrixes: these are Dominatrixes, whose interests on the internet will be very varied.

You will notice that Dominatrixes come at the bottom of the ranking, even more so if they are "lifestyle"

Indeed, the Dominatrix/submissive ratio is extremely disproportionate. According to Fetlife statistics (see article BDSM sites to know ), the number of submissives is high, while that of Dominatrixes is quite low.

Men's statistics fetlife statistics for men

Women's statistics

female fetlife statistics

Many points explain this, mainly social, which I will not discuss here.

That being said, you will have to keep in mind this Dominant/submissive ratio, requiring much more effort on your part than a vanilla search*.

For the sake of clarity, I will only cover the “lifestyle” Dominatrix part in this article. Note that if you are looking for a professional Dominatrix, many of the points presented here can also be useful to you, in order to please her.
Also, most of the points relate to submissive man/Dominant woman interactions, although some parts are useful for other relationships as well.

How to introduce yourself

dominatrix couple

Before you even think about introducing yourself to a Dominatrix, you will have to introduce yourself.

So be sure to complete your profile, be aware that they are commonly consulted when you request a Dominatrix by message.

To complete a profile, think above all about what might interest a Dominatrix, and a "lifestyle" Dominant is not only interested in your fantasies, but above all in your personality, also detail your passions and what you think or want to be able to bring into this type of relationship.

No need to indicate the size of your penis, and avoid humiliating comments, even if it's your kink*

Talk about yourself, as a person and not as a fantasist.

What photos to share

submitted photo

Profile photos are also important. Here's what it's best to do, and not to do.


  • Sensual and crafted photographs. Sensual does not mean sexual. Try to show your body in its best light, work on poses and lighting. Make a lot and select the best ones
  • Photographs of previous practices or scenarios. By remaining in sensuality and not in raw sexuality.
  • Photographs in beautiful outfits, with a certain class, or in fetish outfits. Something you could wear to a BDSM party.

Do not do

  • Dick pics (penis photos) or anus photographs. If you want to turn off Dominatrixes, there's no such thing.
    Remember that Domination is above all psychological, we are not interested in penises or anuses of people we don't know.
  • Humiliating photographs immediately classify you in the fantasist category. Even those who like humiliation prefer to impose it themselves.
  • Photographs without any BDSM connection, such as those of a family dinner or an evening with friends, do not fit the atmosphere at all.
  • Photographs taken in a hurry, poorly framed, which do not highlight you at all.

How to talk to a Dominatrix

submissive talking to a dominatrix

Once you have written your profile and chosen beautiful photos, you can start chatting with Dominatrixes.

Remember that it will always be better to build relationships with the Woman in front of you, the person, than to go straight into fantasy.
Just like you wouldn't approach a Woman on the street with a "shall we fuck?", don't approach a Dominatrix with an offer to submit.
The D/s relationship is first and foremost a relationship, although it touches on many kinks* and fantasies, the relational bond is the basis.

I therefore advise you to actively participate in community discussions, interact with submissives, switches and with Dominatrixes without trying to get them to submit to you.

The more people you know in the community and the more fluid and pleasant the dialogues can be, the more likely you are to find and interact with a person who matches you.
I find Discord (see article BDSM sites to know ) particularly suitable for this type of exchange. The platform being made for live dialogues, mainly in writing.

Private messages

bdsm couple

After having exchanged in groups, or having found a profile that particularly interests you on a site, the time comes for the private message.
First of all, check that you do not need to ask before sending the said message, or that there is no form to contact the Lady.

As before, keep in mind that you are addressing a person, not a fantasy.

And as I told you at the start, the Dominatrix/submissive ratio being extremely unbalanced to your disadvantage, your message will be drowned out by all those of other more or less pleasant "submissives".
It will therefore be important to stand out.

Really take the time to read the profile of the Dominant, her tastes, her desires, your common passions, etc...

Then write a personalized message. Above all, no copy/paste. Show that you are interested in her, that you have things in common, and what you could bring to her.
A Dominatrix will particularly want to know what interest she might have in focusing her attention on you, and that she will not waste her time for nothing.

Regarding the title by which to call her, it will be better to ask her directly what she prefers. The most common being the greeting accompanied by a "Madame", but it will not be to everyone's taste, asking the question will allow you to address her in the best way.

Answer or not, what not to do

submissive seeks dominatrix

  • Insulting the Dominatrix, or being unpleasant.
    It may happen that you write a well-crafted message, and you get no response, or simply a "not interested". Although it can be frustrating, remain courteous, making you look bad from a Dominant risks being known to others as well, and getting you blacklisted.
  • Be insistent. If a Dominatrix tells you no, or that she is not interested, or even if she does not respond at all, there is no point in insisting.
    Consent works both ways, and you would only annoy him.
  • Openly criticize the Dominatrix in groups you have in common to make her react.
    This is unnecessary, and will make you look bad to the rest of the community.
  • Tag the Dominatrix in groups or shared discussions so that she notices you, even though she does not respond to your messages. There is no point in making her feel like you are harassing her.

In conclusion, finding a Dominatrix on the internet is very complicated, this guide will nevertheless help you put all the chances on your side.

*the term "vanilla" refers to relationships, practices, or people that are not part of BDSM.

*a kink is a fantasy, or at least a certain attraction to a thing or a practice, triggering a certain excitement.

Ask any questions you want below, I'll be happy to answer them.
And if you liked this article, don’t hesitate to share it.

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